Introduction: Do I need help?

What is therapy Like?

What are the Goals in therapy?

Who does psychotherapy?

Where does one go for psychotherapy?

How much will it cost?

How long will It take?

"I keep losing my boyfriends, we seem to be getting along well, then I begin to see faults in them I wasn't aware of before. It has happened more than a few times and I'm beginning to think it's me..."

"All of a sudden I'll get this scared-anxious feeling. It can happen at work, or at home for no reason I can see, it has gotten so that I don't like to go out because I'm afraid it will hit me..."

These are just a few of the ways others have begun to explain their problems to a therapist. Many other examples are listed later on. While looking at our site you may be asking yourself if you need the help of a psychotherapist. You may have sharp, clear "symptoms" that are the flashing warning lights of an emotional upheaval inside or you may be quietly aware that something is amiss in your life -- that you're not getting enough out of life or able to put enough into it. In all likelihood psychotherapy was not the first thing to come to mind. You may have tried a different job, or left school or went back to school or found a babysitter and went to work, or left work to start a family, or looked for a new boyfriend or girlfriend, or gotten married or divorced, or talked to your clergyman, physician, family or best friend. You mave have moved, changed roomates, taken a vacation, or just tried to forget the whole thing. Whatever you tried, it probably helped at first but now you are still the same person with the same problems. Now you are getting around to looking for some professional help. But before going on, let's return to our list of some of the problems that can be helped by therapy. See if you have had thoughts or feelings like these:

"The subject of sex upsets me. I'm afraid of going to the movies because they show so much that I feel like running out..."

"I'm easily hurt. At work, when my supervisor corrects my memos I take it personally. Sometimes I feel nobody really likes me - people seem so hard to please..."

"I have a number of friends but no one really close. I've never really gotten close to people the way others seem to be..."

"I'm pretty successful but I don't feel successful - I sort of feel that I've just gotten good at fooling other people..."

"I've been sober for a year now and I thank AA for that but I can see I have some problems now that AA can't deal with..."

"At times I feel I'm going to explode. I can just imagine myself hurting people or pushing them out of my way. I don't like these thoughts but I can't stop them..."

"I find I can be very close friends with women but somehow I can't really relate to men..."

"I'm lonely. I just can't mix easily with others and I'm afraid that it's never going to change..."

"I'm a nut about turning the gas off or locking the doors. I know I locked the door but I have to keep checking it again. I'm getting as bad as my mother and that worries me..."

"I have these fears about being trapped in an elevator or down in a subway. There are times I lay in bed and the walls just seem to be closing in and I get a very panicky feeling..."

"I never wanted to be like my father but now that I have children of my own I find myself saying the

same awful things he would say to me..."

"I have trouble 'letting go' at parties. I want to just relax and have fun but I get uptight. Someone asks me a question and my mind goes blank..."

"I want to leave my parent's house but whenever I talk with my mother about it, she starts laying this guilt trip on me and it works; if I don't do something I'm afraid I'll never really have a life of my own..."

"I think I'm homosexual. I haven't actually done anything yet, but all my thoughts seem to be in that direction..."

"I have this strange feeling that I'm really two people; an outside person that I show everyone and then the real one that I keep inside..."

"I've just gotten out of a miserable marriage and I've started dating again. I want to understand what happened last time so it won't happen again..."

"My son is seven and having trouble in school already. He's okay at home, but at school they say he won't listen and fights a lot..."

"My husband and I have been married for four years. Lately we seem to do nothing but fight. Some third person, one who won't be on anyone's side, has to help up work this out..."

"I love my wife but when we go to have sex I can't make it. My doctor says there's nothing medically the matter. It's very upsetting to both of us..."

"My daughter, she's fifteen now, has been hanging around with the wrong crowd and I'm afraid she's started to use drugs. I think she needs help and maybe we do, too..."

"I'm 54 and I think I've had a pretty good life, but lately it all seems to be turning sour. I'm not interested in anything, I have trouble sleeping, I'm just not myself..."

The people quoted above have emotional problems. The kind of problems that can be helped by psychotherapy.

The first step is to recognize that you have an emotional problem. It takes courage.
The next step is to find out what therapy is like; what you have to do; what you can expect from your therapist; and who does psychotherapy. You'll also want to know what it cost, where it's available and how long it will take.

Let's take these questions one by one.

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What is therapy like?
If all those who have ever been in therapy were to get together and compare their experiences, they would probably find them all different. Everyone's experience of therapy is different because everyone is different. Nevertheless, there are certain important things that are a part of almost everyone's experience of psychotherapy.

Therapy is a joint effort, a mutual working together with the therapist helping the patient.

The patient-therapist relationship should be characterized by mutual respect, confidentiality and a climate that permits the frank and open discussion of all topics.
It is important for you o feel comfortable with the therapist and to try to share your thoughts, feelings, dreams, memories and fantasies with him or her. Sometimes the hardest things to discuss are the most important.

In turn your therapist can be expected to relate to you with respect, interest and concern. He or she has no magical powers, hoever, and your therapist will have to know you well before he or she can offer you helpful thoughts or suggestions.

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What are the goals in therapy?
The goals in therapy are mutually determined by you and your therapist. Some goals, however, are basic.

• To help the person live more fully up to his or her potential.

• To be active rather than passive in response to life.

• To have interdependent relationships rather than clinging dependent or cold, distant ones.

• To build feelings of self-confidence rather than feelings of doubt, insecurity or helplessness.

• And, finally, at the least, to bring some relief from, and understanding of, the problems that brought you into therapy.

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Who does psychotherapy?
Generally there are four groups of professionals who are trained to do psychotherapy - clinical social workers, clinical psychologists, nurses and psychiatrists. The training of each of these professionals includes many years of academic and practical work in the areas of psychology, personality development and the treatment of emotional problems. In addition, those professionals who wish to practice psychoanalytic psychotherapy must have advanced training in this field which includes their own personal psychoanalysis as well as a great amount of closely supervised practice.

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Where does one go for psychotherapy?
Psychotherapy is available at a number of community agencies and clinics in the New York City area. Psychotherapy is also available through the clinical facilities of the Training Institute for Mental Health. To make an appointment call (212) 627-8181 and request an intake appointment. Hours can usually be arranged to accomodate a work or school schedule.

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How much will it cost?
The cost of psychotherapy varies. Community clinics such as the clinical facilities of the Training Institute charge low to moderate fees, that within certain limits are on a sliding scale and based on income. The Training Institute also has special low fees for full-time students. Private practitioners generally charge higher fees.

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How long will it take?
This question, which for some people may be of paramount importance, is unfortunately the hardest to answer definitively. Some problems are more easily resolved than others. Increased awareness, information and emotional support may be sufficient to overcome one person’s difficulties, while someone else may need to work on a more basic aspect of their personality in order to achieve their desired goals. In general, though, for the majority of people, psychotherapy is an intensive rather than a superficial experience. Ultimately, the length of therapy, since it is dependent upon a whole host of variables, is impossible to predict in advance. It took a while for you to get the way you are now and it’s going to take a while for you to change.

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